Three Tips to Save Your Life

North Dakotans have ice skills. Do as they do. (photo: nd.gov)

Tip #1: FROZEN RIVER (courtesy of esquire.com)
– don’t cross it
– if you have to cross it, then Blue ice is the strongest, followed by White. Avoid ice that is gray with puddles.
four inches is the minimum safe thickness
– when crossing, spread your weight as much as possible by crawling on your belly. (Channel your inner penguin.)
– if you do fall through, don’t plan on climbing out. Plan on *swimming* out. Kick yourself upward as hard as possible, reach out as far as you can, and get your chest back on the ice. Then keep kicking and dragging, arms out and chest down, until you’re out.

Tip #2: DRIVING IN THE RAIN (part one)
– How to achieve good vision while driving during a heavy downpour: wear sunglasses. (Really.) You still see the drops on the windshield, but not the sheet of rain falling.

Tip #3: DRIVING IN THE RAIN (part two)
– Never drive in the rain with cruise control on. If the cruise control is on when your car begins to hydro-plane (tires losing contact with pavement), then your car will accelerate, your wheels will begin to spin at a higher and higher rate of speed, and eventually your whole car will take off like an airplane.

Summary:
1) Blue & White ice + channel your inner penguin
2) wear sunglasses when it rains
3) cruise control + rain = airplane (sounds awesome, not awesome)

– Jonah Lundberg

[tweetmeme source=”@JLundberg43”]

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